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The Bizarre Perogie Government of Canada
Gallery of Pierre Trudeau's Belly Button Lint
How to Paint a Vehicle with a Roller
Pre-Paid Gas & Credit Card Holds
Newfie Golf Course
The Mystery of the Potato-Boy Beard
Slaughterhouse Colouring Book
Santacon Victoria 2005
The Wonders of the Rhino Horn
Glurt Salutes Municipal Politics
Glurt Guide to Bluegrass Festivals
A Trip to Konsum - Swedish Grocery
Commodore Pet Interbong Server Mod
Hippie Survey
Lind, Washington Annual Combine Derby
Bob Log III, Helmet-Wearing Slide Guitarist
Build your own Nuclear Reactor
Halfpipe Variations
The Beachcombers Photo Gallery
Sea Monkeys
The Drywall Bazooka
Pong Project
Photographs
Local Beer Survey
Johnny Lakeport Flash game
Aerospace Engineering
Tremblay Quotes
Paper Maché
Anti-Gravity Experiments






The Bizarre Perogie Gov'mint of Canada

In December, Prime Minister Stephen "Butternuts" Harper delved deeply into his meaty arsenal of obscure political positions, and announced that he would immediately form a Perogie Govenment. This occurs when the entire house of commons gets baked, boiled or fried....and the cabinet ministers are slathered in Quebec's finest sour cream. If the Perogie Ministers do not satisfy Mr. Harper's cravings, more extreme political measures may be taken, such as the emergency invocation of a Bacon-based government. As greasy as that sounds, it is still generally preferably to a Bush-based government.









Since the Government of Canada owes Glurt several embarrassing favours, we were able to obtain from the Private Archives this EXCLUSIVE gallery of some of Pierre Trudeau's favourite hunks of navel lint, along with his annotated descriptions of each fine specimen.....


"Ah, mais oui! J'ai trouvé cette petite hairball dans ma gutsocket apres un tres difficile jou du parcheesi"




"This one....ah c'est dommage. Il y'a beaucoup de vin rouge, les filles, les chevals....oh la la."




"Tabernac! This one, it remind me of Charlton Heston."




"How you say in English....this one, it cram my navel like Rita McNeil packs in la poutine."




"I have seen many crazy things in le francophone politic...but never like zhis!"










How to Paint a Vehicle with a Roller!

Alright! So you've got yourself a nice little $500 20 year old shitbox car! Awesome! You can drive around in the rain and not get wet, you get cheaper insurance because you don't care if anyone backs into you in the parking lot, and when the alternator stops working you can hit it with a hammer to restore function. But....one problem. The paint job is 20 years old...been out in the weather...and fading badly. So what do you do? A "professional" paint job in a auto-body place will run you around $1000, with all their stupid fancy masking and taking the hood off and special fancy exact matching paint and stupid glossy clearcoat....but on a old shitbox, why bother? Here's how the math works out:

As you'll learn in the following informative guide, you the average citizen with your can of Tremclad and a 4" roller can still "pimp your ride" with all new paint, increase the resale value by more than you put in, and most importantly be less suspicious to the cops who are on the lookout for your previous colour of car.

Case Study No.1 - Toyota Tercel

Case Study No.2 - Datsun 720 Pickup

Do all yer basic body repairs, fill in those rust holes with bondo and fibreglass, and give all the surfaces a light power sanding.. Make sure you've done all the power sanding BEFORE you start painting. Nothing like a fine spray of rust particles wafting all over your fresh wet paint. Wipe the dust off all the surfaces and give the car a wash. Like it says in the bible, I am a firm believer in only washing a vehicle twice....once before you paint it, and once before you try and sell it to some other schmuck for more than you paid for it. People are all aghast when you tell them you're going to save $975 and paint your vehicle with a quart of Tremclad and a roller....but it looks pretty damn good, and if you're careful with the fine brush work around the trim you don't even have to mask or tape anything up. A 4" wide roller is the ideal size...don't get the super cheap brands either, because they'll start to deteriorate and you get chunks of fuzz and fibre coming off and sticking to the hood. It helps if you are painting the same colour or very close, as then you don't have to worrry so much about getting all the edges of the hood and door frames....in the case of the Datsun, I just left the whole inside of the box in the original faded red. Everything else....one coat! Yep, you're damn right. If it gets some more scratches or fades out in another 3 years, I'll blow another $15 on some more Tremclad and do it again.

Still don't think it's a good idea? Here's a dude who saved $3000 by painting his car with a roller.







Pre-Paid Gas & Credit Card Holds


Since every gas station in BC, Canada now forces you to prepay before filling up, (courtesy of some kid who got run over when he decided he would take the law into his own hands and chase down a car who drove off without paying the sum owing of $12.30), paying for gas with cash has become a tremendous inconvenience.

Most people now use debit or credit cards directly at the pump to avoid the cash alternative, that is waiting in line 3 times (once to check in your pathetic little pile of $20 bills with the attendent, once more when you have to come back to leave another $17.00 because you guessed wrong on exactly how much gas was in your tank to fill it up, and perhaps even a third time to pick up your driver's license which you also had to leave with the attendent for ID), each time standing and waiting behind some fucking moron who can't decide what kind of smokes to buy, and when he finally does, counts out his change in nickles. So instead you stand there at the pump and squint at menus and press buttons and swipe your various cards this way and that, and

"Do you want Air Miles with that?"
"NO"
Please wait....processing
"Do you want Regular PetroPoints"
"NO"
Please wait...processing
"Do you want SuperDuper PetroPoints?"
"NO"
Please wait...processing
"Would you like to sign up for SuperDuper PetroPoints?"
"NO" (just some damn gas!)
Please wait...processing
"How about a printed receipt?"
"NO"
et fucking cetera.

Now here's a little math question for you....suppose you had a credit card with limit of $500 on it, or maybe a $5000 limit card that only had $500 of credit currently available on it, either way it doesn't matter....and you were going on a weekend road trip of quite some distance. Let's say each tank of gas in your vehicle cost $50. How many tankfuls could you purchase? If you said "Gee Bob, $500 divided by $50 would be 10 tanks" you would be sadly mistaken.

You see, each time a BC resident prepays electronically, the gas stations see fit to place a $100 hold on your funds, which may take UP TO A WEEK to be released back to you, even if you pay off the credit card the same day. So the correct answer to our question would be THREE tanks of gas, not ten. $150 of gas + $300 of your money frozen for no good reason, and by the time you stick your card in there for the 4th fillup, guess what, you don't have enough credit left and you're left standing there in the pissing rain with an empty tank and nothing but your own cock in your hand.

And that, amigos is why


Think pre-pay gas sucks? Well, where else do people run off without paying? That's right, restaurants. So besides John McCain, global warming, Biphenal-A plastic, and entire schools being locked down because a photography student was walking with a tripod....another exciting thing we can all look forward to in the future will be handing over your credit card BEFORE you see the menu.



Newfie Golf Course


I came across this strange excavation in the middle of some hiking trails...it's pretty much in the middle of nowhere, there's no development around....so I couldn't figure out what these bizarre trenches were about. Perhaps some strange soil engineering study, or ground water testing? Then it hit me! Of course! It must be a new Newfie Golf Course opening up. So to help out other passers-by, I printed up a handy official sign....

They haven't started laying the greens yet, but I'm sure it will be very soon!






Potato Bag Bearded Boy


Hey there!

Do you like potatoes? You're damn right you do, whether they're baked, fried, boiled, mashed, injected....or even sucked back raw outta the dirt like my step-uncle Rufus Handinpantz used to like em. Anyways, the point is you're a potato-chawin' chump and to get those starchy orbs into your yap you gotta go out huntin' and gatherin'. 'Course we got them DeBit cards now, so there's much less sweatin', diggin' and/or general hunkerin' to get your potatoes than there used to be.
Anyways, say you're in the market for a sack o' spuds....what qualifications do you expect from your sack?
Myself, I like a bag what's got the picture of the potato farmer on it, so's I can get a reckonin' of what kind of operation he's running....and here on the sack of "Island Grown Potatoes" we have THIS GUY!


Now I don't know about you, but if a 7-year old kid can grow hisself A FULL BEARD, that's almost a shitfire guarantee that he can grow potatoes, dammit! Probably had a handlebar moustache when he was 3, his own tractor when he was 4, and bought out his neighbor's farm by the time he was 6.

But wait - there's a very disturbing twist in the tale of the bearded potatoboy!

Last time I went to fetch a sack o' spuds, those faggy artistes had changed his potato bag image to SOME BALD-FACED LOSER KID! What the hell?! Now who am I to trust and look up for inspiration when tater-buyin'? Bah!





This was an an actual colouring book distributed in the glorious early 90's to impressionable youngsters browsing the grocery store meat department. Scroll on, and discover how much fun it is inside the Happy Poultry Slaughterhouse!






















Ah, yes...because we all know how much fun it was when Mom brought home a box of re-animated chicken parts that winked at you.

Santacon 2005

On Dec. 10th, the Red Menace invaded Victoria, BC and got his holiday Cheer-On with the help of about 40 other raunchy Santas....click HERE for more pics and videos of the most excellent debauchery!






Täppt i näsan? Bihåleproblem?

The Amazing Rhino Horn!
Cures what ails ya!

Glurt Salutes Municipal Politics

One grassy knoll near the Studios has been infested with municipal election signs...literally dozens all beckoning the passerby with clever words and gimmickry to vote for Johnny Candidate. So we decided to get in the spirit and add to the Collage of Crap we call election season!





Pickin' & Grinnin':
A Guide to Blooogie


Lesson #1: What to bring to a Bluegrass Festival

You're probably thinking...."Banjo!" or "The biggest belt buckle I can find!" or "Jug of moonshine!". All these are useful items, but the most important thing to take to a bluegrass (or Blooo-gie!) festival is an enormous motorhome with a full awning, deck and patio set.


This van was flying the international flags of Bluegrass. Note the McDonald's is mounted upside down, and the Budweiser is rightside up. This is the opposite of how the ceremonial flags are usually flown above Parliament Hill in Ottawa.

Lesson #2 - The Patrons

Bluegrass festival goers generally age from about 55 to 75, and then there are the dirty hippie tenters. The seniors sip light beer from foam cozies all day, while the youngsters suck back regular strength beer. At night drunk people of all ages wander around the campground and stumble upon brilliant campfire jams. Or lantern jams if you're in Coombs.

Lesson #3 - The Bands

It is International Law that a bluegrass band must have a minimum of an upright bass, a banjo, a guitar, and at least one of the following: mandolin, dobro or fiddle. Keyboards, harmonica, horns or percussion of any kind except for foot-stompin' are strictly prohibited. The banjo player is always really skinny and never says anything on stage.

Lesson #4 - The Stage

The stage at a bluegrass festival is very simple - one very expensive microphone in the middle, connected to the PA system. When a picker is tired of grinnin' and wants to get his solo-on, he steps closer to the mike and is therefore louder. When he is done pluckin' & shuckin' he steps back to the edge. The live sound quality is actually very good.

Lesson #5 - The Lyrics

Bluegrass lyrics are composed of any combination of the following subjects: sorrow, tears, heartache, cheatin', cryin', lonesomeness, seas of sorrow, whiskey, and floating away on various bodies of watery sorrow. Basically the same subject matter as country music, but less emphasis on cattle and gonorrhea.

Lesson #5 - The Music

You don't have to be a disciple of Mullins or a hillbilly (although it helps) to get your groove on to some good ole-time bluegrass. Unfortunately it is true that there are a lot of bands that play slow and dreary bluegrass ballads (like the infarmous WalMart Greeters Geriatric Orchestra in Coombs), which is not much different than whiny country music. There's senior citizen Sittin' Down bluegrass, and then there's the shit-kickin, floor-stompin', hats flying off and YEE-HAWing bluegrass that we are discussing in this article. The slow sets are a good excuse to go back to the campsite to replenish your beer supply.

FESTIVALS

There are two Blooogie Festivals on Vancouver Island each summer - Sooke River in mid-June, and Coombs on the August long weekend.
Following is a comparison chart for all aspiring interbong technicians who might one day venture outdoors and see such a sight in person:

Festival: Coombs Sooke River
Location: Coombs, BC Approx. 2.5 hours north of Victoria. Sooke, BC Approx 1 hour west of Victoria.
Campground: All the damn retired people show up 5 days early and take the shady spots for their motorhomes, tenters have to make do with an open field. All the damn retired people show up 3 days early and take the shady spots for their motorhomes, tenters have to make do with an open field.
Campfires: Nope. Yep.
Chance that at any given hour, day or night, someone will be playing a banjo 100% 100%
Goose Shit: Certified Goose Shit Free Hope you enjoy goose shit.
Local Attractions: Goat Roof Store, Stairway to Hemp Sooke potholes river swimming
Cost: $45 weekend pass (includes camping) $25 weekend pass (camping extra)
Bonus Entertainment: Small children beating each other with inflatable hammers behind grandstand. Matching wits with the Armband Nazi.
Best Band 2005: Queens Bluegrass (Van. Island) Hit & Run Bluegrass (Colorado)
Dancing: Lots. See video clip below. Two girls tried to dance for awhile, but I think were thwarted by goose shit.
Beer: Unofficially allowed pretty much everywhere - sort of a patio thing like a BYOB gardens. Make use of those cupholders built into the camp chair - pretty casual policy.
Webpage: Worst festival web page ever. No photos, no maps, no links and no lineup. I offered to redo the whole thing in March, for free, and never heard back. Now we'll just see who gets the most hits for "coombs bluegrass" next year. www.sookebluegrass.com
Video Clip:






A Trip to Konsum – Swedish Grocery Paradise


A report by Lisa Heedman and Damien Lee, Jokkmokk, Sweden

“At first I thought it was Jabba the Hutt, but then I realized it was just beef liver.” – Damien Lee



On July 4, 2005, Damien and Lisa took some time off work and headed to one of the two local grocery stores in Jokkmokk. Their goal was to come up with three Top-Five lists:

Lisa’s favourite products,
Damien’s favourite products, and
A combined list of disagreeable products.

With the clock running and their official Konsum Coop Cards in-hand, they set out to explore the world of Swedish grocery products.



Lisa’s Top 5 Favourite Products:

Surströmming – Fermented Baltic Herring.


Västerbottensost – A strong cheese, unique for the north of Sweden. It’s made in Burträsk.The people in Burträsk have hair under their feet.



Kryddost – Cheese with spices.


Frukt- och grönsaksdisken – The fruit and vegetable section.


Frysta bär – Frozen berries, nice for smoothies.




Damien’s Top 5 Favourite Products

Godmorgon Apelsin – Orange Juice


Lät Öl and Folk Öl – Light Beer and People’s Beer. In Sweden shoppers can purchase low-alcohol beers at grocery and convenience stores. Light beer is 2.8% and People’s Beer is 3.5%.


Turkisk Yoghurt – Turkish Yogurt. However, the “Grekisk Yoghurt” is a close runner-up.
.


Bregott (ecologist) – Spread-good (organic). A butter and margarine mixture.
.


Fyll-Upp-Plunta – Full-up-Mickey. Used for flavouring home-brewed alcohol, even though home-brewing is illegal. These Mickeys are half-full with a sweet flavoured syrup. From Strawberry (jordgubb) to the all famous Blue Fish (fiskblå), you can have your choice.


Top 5 Disagreeable Products

Renblod – Reindeer Blood


Ungnötlever – Young Beef Liver


Surströmming – Fermented Baltic Herring


Äggplanta – Eggplant (rotting)


Haricots Verts – Green Beans



Notes of Interest:

In their research, Damien and Lisa came across a less-visited section of the grocery store: the underwear section. Here, shoppers can buy bras and socks, have a choice of both male and female gotch. This raised an important question: Where does one try on these undergarments? Behind the fruit section? Or close to the Reindeer Blood bin?


As they were leaving, Damien came across the “Bags of Joy” section. As this area of Konsum has previously been unexplored, Damien vowed to acquaint himself with the available goodies, which may result in a future report. For now, the Bags of Joy are under scruitiny. Damien and Lisa have also sent several samples of the Bags to the Glurt Studio.



Lisa disclosed her special technique for determining the ripeness of an avocado. Take two avocadoes, one in each hand, and start juggling. Shoppers will be able to judge the softness of these green tasties like never before, or… be thrown out of the grocery store.



Money. Sweden is part of the European Union, but still uses its own currency: the Swedish Kronor. At the time of this report, 1 Canadian Dollar is worth 6.37 Swedish Kronor. . Therefore, one can of Kallax Surströmming costs 50 SEK or $7.85 Canadian.




There is a rival grocery store just across the street from Konsum, called ICA. The people of Jokkmokk are divided for several reasons; the grocery rivalry offers a rail to cling to for siding residents. An exposé report on this issue, and the deeper meaning, to come.

.

For further information about Sweden and the strange things Swedes eat, contact Damien.at canadiandamien@yahoo.ca

Commodore Pet FTP Server

This vintage Commodore PET case was discovered in an alleyway behind a laundromat in Waterloo, Ontario....and, with the addition of some Telstar Pong guts, and ancient VCR tuner and a $5 monochrome monitor, was reincarnated to a standalone Pong console which entertained the Casemore brothers for several hours at one of the famous Wilhelm St. parties. After being in storage for 3 years and issuing stern electric shocks to anyone who tried to operate it, the case was shipped out to Glurt Studios this spring and given a new retrofit as a dedicated FTP box.



Mounting the motherboard (Apple 7200) to the Fred Warren custom base.

Attaching the power supply and hard drive (ONE THOUSAND MEGA-bytes of the finest SCSI technology 1995 had to offer!)

Testing with external monitor.

Successful ethernet connection to the InterBong - www.smelder.com

A view of the innards and wires - note huge clamp that holds the monitor shell to the base. Theoretically there is still room to fit one full-size PCI card in the case.

Some crazy video port hacking to create a composite analogue video signal from RGB. The image is rather wobbly, but considering there is NO shielding whatsoever, it's not too bad.

Mac OS 8.1 boot screen....this shitbox will actually run OS9, but using 8.1 allows for use of a software hack so I can still use my Laserwriter printer via network.

HIPPIE SURVEY


COMBINE DEMOLITION DERBY

Combine Reinforcement

Reinforcing iron is limited to ten pieces, any length, located anywhere on the combine except in restricted areas. (Explained later). Iron replacement can be any iron: angle, channel, or flat, and is limited to a maximum gauge of 2" X 2" X 1/4".  Iron spears or external iron used for aggressive action is prohibited.  NO extra welding on the Cutter Bar Edge, NO welding Rock Guards and Header Bottom, and NO concrete in the platform auger.  No well casing can be used as a stiffener.  Rub bars may be placed around the radiator or variable speed drives, but not the rear axle parts. If a combine has suffered a broken piece (i.e. a tie-rod or axle) it can be repaired with iron to support the break. This added iron does not fall into the 10 piece limit, as long as the reinforcement is the same width as the broken piece. Only two braces are allowed: one on each side of the header inside the front wheel. (Does not include bracing to keep headers at the required 16 - 18 inch height.) Any number of iron pieces can be used for hydraulic stops for safety or any driver protection supports. Straw Walker Housing will be allowed some reinforcement for strength only. Maximum header width is 18 feet.
 
A protective cage must be built to protect driver, possibly several bars in the front and the side of the driver. All batteries must be secured in a box for protection from debris, and fuel tanks must be secured with caps that do not allow spillage of fuel, should the combine tip over. (Vent could be used for ‘breather’.)

 
Inspection/Judging
 

Impartial judges (4) are selected from surrounding communities .  They will inspect combines three hours before the derby begins, and they are the final decision makers for any infractions during the derby. Pushing or pulling another combine outside of the barrier limits, and high speed ramming, for example, may warrant disqualification. Two or more combines locked together must attempt to separate within a three minute time limit or risk disqualification.  A warning will precede disqualification. If you lose your header, you are disqualified from that heat. (Feeder spout is not a part of the header.)  Judges will carry hand held air horns which can be heard by the drivers. 


MORE.....

BOB LOG



Boob Scotch Video (RealPlayer)

A Bob Log Tour Diary
1
2 3 4 5 6 7

Glurt Salutes Independent Shed-Based
Nuclear Reactor Experiments

David earned a merit badge in Atomic Energy in May 1991, five months shy of his 15th birthday. By now, though, he had grander ambitions. He was determined to irradiate anything he could, and decided to build a neutron "gun." To obtain radioactive materials, David used a number of cover stories and concocted a new identity.
David mixed his radium and americium with beryllium and aluminum, all of which he wrapped in aluminum foil, forming a makeshift reactor core. He surrounded this radioactive ball with a blanket of small foil-wrapped cubes of thorium ash and uranium powder, tenuously held together with duct tape.

MORE.....

HALF-PIPE ACTION!

First we had skateboarders and BMX riders, and then the dignity of the halfpipe was blemished by the arrival of rollerbladers....but why stop there? Glurt has received an inside tip that these wild new halfpipe variations will be featured at next summer's X-Games.....

Equestrian Halfpipe #1

Unicycle Halfpipe!

Equestrian Halfpipe #2

Stilts Halfpipe!

Equestrian Halfpipe #3

Wheelchair Halfpipe!

Equestrian Halfpipe #4

Riding Lawnmower Halfpipe!


CBC the beachcombers

Download Nick and Relic in all their glory!

Thanks to an eagle eye and a quick download, these classic Beachcombers photos (high-res CBC stock) were rescued from certain oblivion when the "Candian Icons" project was hastily pulled from ZED due to copyright concerns. Not that Glurt has ever been too concerned about copyright issues.....and hey, the CBC needs all the free advertising they can get.





SEA MONKEYS!

So what exactly are Sea-Monkeys? According to this site, they are some briney-assed shrimp. Whether they will grow little crowns and cavort around smiling has yet to be determined. This project is inspired by a donation from the lovely Miss M.

Day One - Prepare the Sea-Monkey Tank

What better environment for youngsters to grow up in than a previously-enjoyed bottle of Bob Vob certified gin? The kit contained one package of Water Purifier, which I dumped in and shook about. Apparently this will fortify and invigorate my plain ol' tap water to provide the proper nutrients to the Monkeys.

Day Two - Apply the Magic Life Powdered Eggs

The package says I should be prepared to witness an astonishing transformation from powdered crap into LIFE! There appear to be some tiny white specks, and also some tiny darker specks floating around. Results at this point are inconclusive.



Day Three - Eagerly Awaiting Results

Definitely no monkeys here. There's a bit of floatage in the bottle, but maybe that's because I didn't rinse it very well. I poured some of the Magic Water into another jar to try and get a better look.

Day Four - Bah! Not a damn thing....

Let's face it. My dreams of raising a colony of soggy aquatic gin monkeys have been thwarted (for now). The invisible Sea-Monkeys were given a dignified and ceremonial funeral, along with their specky water.


The Glurt DRYWALL REPORT

This fearsome implement of destruction shown above is known in the drywall trade as a BAZOOKA. You can buy a bazooka brand new for about $3000, or you can borrow one from Mullins.

Last month, Smelder & I (upon stopping by Mullin's Pub for a pint) happened to stumble in upon a DRYWALL SHOWDOWN in progress. It was better than TV. The two opposing philosophies of drywall discipline clashed in a dusty, painty, apple-cidery battle as we the spectators looked on delighted at this once-in-a-lifetime performance. Representing the young, arrogant drywall upstarts, "Steve" was a firm believer in the KNIVES (also known as BLADES), while the reigning champ Ol' Mullins prefers the classic old-school TROWEL. As they took turns demonstrating their technique, the battle took a strange twist. In a brilliant re-enactment of the famous Tom Sawyer fence-painting scene, Mullins somehow managed to trick Steve into doing most of the work.....


S. Elder operating the Bazooka


CRAPPY FLASH GAMES

Shoot cigarette butts at flying Harry Potter heads
as you race against time to get to the
liquor store before it closes.




THE MIRACLE OF FLIGHT

at the Mullins Aerospace Engineering Facility


early prototype - paper wings - 5" wingspan

advanced scale model - carved styrofoam wings - 15" wingspan

The range on the larger model is approximately 150 feet (downhill), enough to start a small passenger/cargo service!
Rumours around the Aerospace Lab are that Dr. Mullins is currently building an elastic-band powered machine....however he does not have a proper store-bought propeller, and was considering sacrificing his only piece of Canadian I.D., an unsigned Safeway Grocery Club card, to melt down and form into the proper shape.



GREATEST TREMBLAY QUOTES:

"If you want head everyday for breakfast, you're not marrying a rich girl."
"Sometimes wearing shorts to the strippers is not a bad idea"
"I don't care how much they cost....I'm buyin' them, and I'm smokin' them"
"There's no ethics after 1:30 am"
"I'll take anyone on in Chip-Eatin' "
"Who wants to chip for bong hits?"
"The Greeks, they can stay up real late."
"I'm not content with the casual buzz. I like getting PISSED!. "
"I don't care if my speakers stink."









GIANT PAPER MACHÉ LADYBUG


Step 1: Build framework of metal bands and tape


Step 2: Apply three layers of wet gooey newsprint


Step 3: Paint that beast up! Perhaps it will get used as a prop in a horridly edited science-fiction movie.....





ANTI-GRAVITY EXPERIMENTS

Shown here is the preliminary investigation into anti-gravity. When perfectly counter-balanced, 4 helium balloons can float a weight and hover motionless (moving only by the rising and falling air currents) around the room. We made a bucket out of a plastic pudding-cup, and installed a candle stub as the passenger on our airship. This worked beautifully for about 10 minutes, and then the entire contraption burst into flame, showering its burning waxy remnants upon the bedroom like a miniature Hindenberg dirgible. Ouch!